. . . and Confusion
How is it that I can have no desire but God and still have the desire for companionship in the context of marriage?
How can one be fully committed to Christ and married to the church if one is married to another human being?
How can one love the Lord their God with all of their heart, soul, mind, and strength and love their neighbor as themselves and still have enough love and devotion needed to truly be loving and committed to another person in marriage?
I desire to desire God alone but I am confused. I do not believe that God has gifted me with the "gift" of singleness despite my single status for the past quarter century. I have had my share of secret crushes but am generally able to convince myself that they are not healthy or from God. I usually reason with myself that God has great plans for these women and I should not get in the way so I fail to pursue. I talk myself out of the pursuit because they have different passions and a different calling then I do (they want to go to Latin America, Asia, or stay in the U.S.A. and do something like Youth Ministry and I do not).
Is there something wrong with me?
Am I really called to do ministry amongst Muslims or in the Middle East or am I hiding behind that so I do not have to get close to anybody?
Is it possible to desire only God and still pursue an exclusive relationship with another person? Wouldn't that be considered desiring something other than God?
I am confused.
How can one be fully committed to Christ and married to the church if one is married to another human being?
How can one love the Lord their God with all of their heart, soul, mind, and strength and love their neighbor as themselves and still have enough love and devotion needed to truly be loving and committed to another person in marriage?
I desire to desire God alone but I am confused. I do not believe that God has gifted me with the "gift" of singleness despite my single status for the past quarter century. I have had my share of secret crushes but am generally able to convince myself that they are not healthy or from God. I usually reason with myself that God has great plans for these women and I should not get in the way so I fail to pursue. I talk myself out of the pursuit because they have different passions and a different calling then I do (they want to go to Latin America, Asia, or stay in the U.S.A. and do something like Youth Ministry and I do not).
Is there something wrong with me?
Am I really called to do ministry amongst Muslims or in the Middle East or am I hiding behind that so I do not have to get close to anybody?
Is it possible to desire only God and still pursue an exclusive relationship with another person? Wouldn't that be considered desiring something other than God?
I am confused.
posted by Justin at 10/16/2005 08:33:00 AM
4 Comments:
Wow, Theo, great blog!
I certainly have an idealized woman in my head and have not taken up opportunities in the past because they didn't live up to my ideal.
What I have come to realize is that I just have to bite the bullet and ask my crush out. I've decided that tomorrow is the day.
I realize that people are people and I can ask her out and she can turn me down and we'll be awkward or maybe she'll say yes and we'll go out a couple of times and nothing will materialize, or maybe we'll start dating and she'll break my heart or maybe it will turn into something else.
You don't have to wait until "the one" comes along before you ask her out. Maybe the only way you'll know if she's the right person for you is to ask her out.
Anyway, if it works out, she'll adjust her life to your passions, or you'll adjust your life to her passions, or you'll find common passions.
It's easy to hide behind anything.
The last thing I have to say is that getting married to one person is a lot like committing yourself to a community. You bind yourself to your church in a looser sense than you bind yourself to your wife, but in some ways it's a greater sense than a marriage because there are many people involved. It may detract you from God, but it will also help you find Him.
Marriage has been a tool in my life to enhance my love/desir for God, and to display God's love better to not only to my husband but to the rest of the world who watches us.
This post made me think "Why did I marry Kelly?"
Well I thought... "His incrediably good looks, very nice lats, beautiful facial structure, and these eyes that couldn't decide just what color to be, not to mention my weakness for red hair. So attraction was a factor.
He could also hold his own conversationally with me. A lot of guys just listened to me, and never challenged what I said. So it was refreshing someone who had confidence. So I knew he could lead me.
He had similar taste in music and film.
He started the international student ministry for crusade on the Minneapolis campus. He wants to go over seas and be a missionary to Asains, something I desire as well.
A heart for missions was key.
His humor is really clever like one of three people who ever made me laugh so hard I cried.
He asked his brothers in Christ to pray for him when he knew he wanted to take things between us more seriously. I respected that a lot. And from those prayers and conversations he felt certain I was the one. Its really nice when the guy is certain.
I don't know its like the second greatest risk I've ever taken next to trusting Christ, and I'm glade I did.
Maybe thinking of desiring God is a miss use of terms. Maybe you mean loving God. People always think that after they have one baby how in the world could they love anything as much as that child. Then they have another one, and they find the love multiplies. I think God works like that He multiplies love. If you choose to love a woman as your wife the love in your heart will grow for her and God not take from one and give to the other.
Theo - I have been facing the exact same question myself, it is the hardest thing I've had to face in my life.
I find myself seeking God.
Marriage is good - but singleness offers complete devotion. Christ's words haunt me, "if a man can accept this - he should". I've also been paying attention to Paul. More and more I see his desire for God lead him close to God and so in his writings we see that heart - for the Church. Paul gave himself not only beause he loved God, but for the Church because he loved it.
Perhaps this piece might help - it has me. http://www.gospeltruth.net/1839OE/390130_devotion.htm
Singleness is only better for those called to it. Marriage is better for those called to it. We should earnestly seek God's calling but not fret over that to which He does call s. Instead we must make all of our life - work, hobby, chore, marriage - a pursuit of God. it must all come out of devotion.
The single man who lives for himself does far worse than the married man who obeys God's call and makes his marriage a pursuit of God.
Try this also.
http://www.intervarsity.org/mx/item/3831/
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